I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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