She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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