Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
