Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
