if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
