Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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