i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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