She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
