I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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