Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
