Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you had me at cake vodka
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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