My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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