need another drink. this is the easiest way
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
