i just wanna soil my oats bro
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
