She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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