Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
