That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
