I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
