I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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