Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize