So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
