On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
