First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
