I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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