You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
