Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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