Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
