Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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