I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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