My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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