Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
