i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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