ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
