Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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