I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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