We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
