Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Pooping to opera.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
