i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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