the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
