An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish my penis had a tongue
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
