Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
