What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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