2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
