so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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