Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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