Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
