Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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