What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
