I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
