i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
