Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
