Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
