I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
