I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
