my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
