He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
