I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
