Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
