I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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