Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
