the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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