if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.