Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear