dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂