Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.