I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.