A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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