My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
