What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina just recognized that song.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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