does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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