The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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