If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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