There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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