I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
