haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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