I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
