Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
