why didn't you poke me back
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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