I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
