dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Actions speak louder than pants.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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